Discontent
by soralia
Summary: The events within the Central 46 Chambers from the point of view of Kira Izuru.  Hints of GinKira.
1. Chapter 1

Discontent

I won't waste time with a lot of chatter. I've been planning a Bleach fic for a while now and finally inspiration has struck. I like to explore scenes and answer questions that were not explored or answered on screen. In this case, the question is what occurred within the Central 46 Chambers before it was discovered by Hitsugaya and Matsumoto.

So please read and review. I love to hear feedback, good or otherwise.

-Sor

* * *

Like most souls in the seireitei, I had never been inside the Central 46 Chambers. Such rights were reserved for only the most high ranking of Shinigami, so it was an intense shock when Ichimaru-taichou invited me inside. I was reluctant at first. I knew he was not authorized to enter and it was more than just instinct that set my stomach to churning. Something was distinctly amiss and more than just my usual insecurities told me so. 

Still, I followed him inside, moving at a very reluctant pace, even hesitating at the door, peering into the darkness until Ichimaru-taichou turned towards me. His usual grin was absent and he wore an expression of serious intensity that was so rare it was almost foreign to me. Seeing such an expression was far more frightening than the fear of the unknown that had kept me paralyzed in the doorway.

Fear, it seemed, had become a much more prevalent reality as of late. I had spent what felt like an anxious eternity locked away beneath the third division offices for the simple offense of defending my captain. It was frightening, not only for the darkness (I felt a fool for fearing something so simple) but for the complete feeling of helplessness. I was afraid that I would be left there, locked away while the world went on around me. I was afraid for what may happen to Hinamori; her offense, grief driven as it was, was no doubt worse than my own. But most of all, I was afraid for Ichimaru-taichou. Who would defend him now that I was locked away? What would happen when the next grief stricken comrade of Aizen's asked for his head? Or even attacked him?

I was plagued by dreams, both waking and not, of Ichimaru-taichou. He was always alone and in every instance, some new shadowy threat emerged to strike him down from behind. Always from behind. I was no longer there to guard his back.

Yet despite my intense desire to somehow break free and reclaim my place at his side, there was something more that kept me trembling in the darkness. Despite all fears or good intentions, in the end I probably deserved to be locked away. I was the despicable man who had drawn his sword against his friend - not only his friend, but one of his dearest companions. I lamented that more than anything. It pained me that I had been forced to choose between Hinamori-kun and Ichimaru-taichou; that whatever path I chose would have been the wrong one.

But in the end, the conflict was driven away when he came for me. When he drew me out of the darkness and bade me follow him again, I did so with great relief. It reminded me of what was most important. Duty and loyalty meant more than the guilt suffered for a friend who had lost her rationality. Hinamori had attacked me with malice when she tried to drive her blade into the flesh of my captain, knowing what he meant to me. And it was only when he came for me that I realized that some emotions went far beyond friendship and to deny those emotions was only to lie to yourself.

That was why I followed him now.

"Don't dawdle, Izuru." His words broke the heavy silence. "There are important matters t' discuss." The serious expression faded, and for an instant I was looking at the Ichimaru-taichou that I knew. It was a comfort and drew me away from my dark thoughts.

"Hai, Ichimaru-taichou." It was so easy to bow and follow along, but it only took a few steps into the chambers before I realized that things were more than simply amiss.ྭ The chambers were silent and littered with corpses: forty-six corpses.

My body failed me. Legs turned to jelly and refused to hold, sending me stumbling to my knees, my entire body trembling like a leaf.ྭ My heart pounded loudly in my ears and the world seemed to stop. I was not sure how much time passed, or how long I stared, but my vision was finally obscured by a smiling face.ྭ But the smile was shallow, an attempt at reassurance that fell flat.

Ichimaru-taichou had dropped into a crouch before me, placing himself between my eyes and the horror of the death surrounding us. "Come now, Izuru."

"The boy is shocked. It is understandable." The voice was familiar, but in my state, I could not identify it. The only thing I could see was Ichimaru-taichou and it was an image that I strongly latched on to. But the sound of that voice drew his face away from mine as he stood, turning his back to me to face the familiar figure.

My eyes rose to the southern entrance, brows creased and eyes squinted as I attempted to penetrate the shadows. But it was not until the figure stepped forward that the familiarity became concrete.

"Aizen-taichou!"

He stood before me alive as he ever had been, looking no worse for having been dead for several days. My body was frozen again, and it seemed my mind with it. The only thing I could even hope to comprehend was that Hinamori-kun would be so relieved.

Slowly the world faded back into focus and I realized a change had come over Ichimaru-taichou. His grin had turned sharper as he took his place at Aizen's side and he was silent. So I was left on my own, still unable to rise, or even to focus on any act more complex than breathing. Even words escaped me and I was only able to voice a few incomprehensible noises before I gave in, questioning only with my eyes.

Aizen seemed to understand clearly enough, however, and he drew nearer, his face the picture of compassion and understanding. He lay a hand on my shoulder briefly, but then it slid lower and took a firm hold of my arm, doing what I could not and tugging me to my unsteady feet. "Yes, Kira. You have questions. And all will be answered in time. But for now you must trust us."

His smile remained, but there was a change in his eyes. They grew hard and I wondered for a moment if I had not imagined the kindness that had been there before. "You do trust us, don't you, Izuru." It was not a question.

Finally, I found my voice. "Of course." The words were an automatic response, but they clearly lacked the confidence Aizen had been expecting.

"What is the matter, Kira?"

How could he ask such a thing? Was it not obvious? My eyes sought out Ichimaru-taichou, but he had retreated out of sight, leaving me to face Aizen with no guidance and no reassurance. When my gaze found Aizen's face again, I sucked in a deep breath, attempting to force some kind of calm into my voice. But my own fear betrayed me and my voice trembled. "The… the Central 46 Chambers. They… they're… What's happened?ྭ Who has done this?"

At first, the only response to my question was silence, but after a moment in which I was left to tremble in uncertainty, Aizen answered in a tone so friendly and nonchalant, it nearly softened the true meaning of his words. "I have."

Panic struck me again, though it was slow in coming. My mind struggled to comprehend his admission. To think that the benevolent and kindly Aizen-taichou would admit to something so gruesome... Yet when finally I recognized the truth in those words, I surged backwards, pulling my arm from his grasp I had only stumbled a few awkward paces, though, before I met with resistance in the form of a pair of hands gently clasping my shoulders. I froze in their grip, only my eyes moving to find that unusually serious Ichimaru-taichou leaning over my right shoulder. "Calm down, Izuru. You'll have Aizen-taichou thinkin' I never taught ya any better."

I suddenly felt as if I had stumbled into a den of vipers and not even Ichimaru-taichou's presence could push away the feeling of immediate danger. I almost wished in that moment that he had simply left me detained in the Third Division holding cell. I had been afraid then, and confused, but at least I was not faced with such a horrible realization. I was now just as trapped, and even more afraid.

Yet, faced with such overwhelming emotion, I somehow heard his voice in my ear once more; felt the movement of long fingers against my shoulder. "Now's not th' time for all this. Was I wrong in thinkin' I could rely on ya? Should I've just left ya there in prison?"

To so many those words might have seemed cold, or even cruel, but I knew Ichimaru-taichou better than many and I saw in those words the same reassurance he had always offered. It was his way of expressing trust in me; of telling me he knew I was better than my current behavior. And so my pounding heart slowed and my trembling all but stilled. I knew so long as he was there, he would not lead me astray.

His grin returned then and the pressure on my shoulders vanished as he stepped away, resuming his stance a few paces behind. It wasn't much, but knowing he was there was enough. I found the courage, drew it forth from somewhere deep within, and lifted my gaze to meet Aizen's once more.

The formerly deceased captain bore a look of mild amusement. "You're still so skittish. But I suppose we couldn't have you any other way. I promise there is no need for such discomfort." He drew nearer again and his hand replaced Ichimaru-taichou's on my shoulder, but the grip was anything but reassuring. "I had my doubts about you; I still do, But Gin has spoken so highly of your reliability that I could not help but feel you were the only one who could help us."

Despite the courage I had found, my heart had begun to race once more. Not only because of my uncertainty, but more so because Ichimaru-taichou seemed to have such a trust in me. "Wh-what can I do to help you, Aizen-taichou?"

Satisfied with my agreeable attitude, Aizen withdrew from me and took a few slow paces towards the center of the room, stepping gingerly around a fallen body with little concern that it had once been a living soul. "As you can see, Kira, we have something of a problem on our hands. That is, our little sanctuary here is on the verge of being disturbed in a most unruly manner. There are those who have drawn too near and would disrupt our plans."

These words sounded fairly ominous and even more vague, but I dared not question. I could not have taken another encounter with those intense eyes of his. So I simply nodded slowly, indicating that I understood perfectly.

He took no issue with such a noncommittal response and even smiled in that same warm manner he had used so often when we all served under him so many years ago. It was a smile that made your entire soul feel warm, as if wrapped securely in the softest blankets; a feeling so intense it seemed unreal. "I'm sure you're aware of the obstacles that have been directed at us by some. Hitsugaya-taichou, to be precise He holds Gin responsible for my death, which as you see, could not be further from the truth." There was a brief flash of amusement in his eyes that was directed over my shoulder. "In addition, he has placed a great deal of stress on poor Hinamori-chan. All of this uncertainty is not good for her. She is fragile, as I'm sure you're aware."

He paused, releasing a soft chuckle. "Ah, but I stray. My concern for her well being at times takes more precedence than it should. It seems Hitsugaya has been poking his nose a bit too deeply into matters that are not his concern. My fear is that he should discover us here before the time is right. That he will insist upon intruding before I have had my chance to speak to Hinamori-chan. As you can imagine, there is much I must say to her without the disturbance of our rather… passionate young captain."

His words made sense. There was logic and of course, he knew Hinamori nearly as well as I and what he said was quite correct. Discovering that Aizen was indeed alive would be shock enough and any disturbance from outside parties would be disastrous.

Still, too many pieces seemed out of place. It took a moment before I was able to find my voice, but even when I did find it, it was no louder than a whisper. "But... wouldn't it be better if she... If she didn't know about all this?"

Despite the continued pressence of his smile, Aizen's expression turned indulgent and I felt as if I were back in the academy being scolded for ignorance. In fact, I felt incredibly stupid, but for what reason I couldn't say. His eyes closed and in a voice laden with exaggerated sympathy, he asked, "Would you be the one to lie to her, then?"

The thought had never occurred to me, that I would be the one to lie to Hinamori-kun... and nearly everyone knew I lied as well as I maintained my composure under duress: that is, incredibly poorly. Still, I could not imagine being the one to tell her that Aizen was alive and had slain the entire judicial body within Soul Society. She would have hated me for it... and worse. "B-but you said it yourself. She's already under too much stress..."

The Aizen I had once knew would have been delighted that I had taken the initiative to argue my point using his own words, but this strange, new Aizen did not look the least bit pleased. His gaze was hard and cold, bringing forth an intense shiver that rolled up my entire spine. "Stress that has come from the trauma of losing me. And of course, the betrayal of her dearest friend. A friend who would be so despicable as to draw his sword against her, all the while knowing she was not in her right mind. A friend who caused her grief to spiral into even deeper places in her heart."

The slow delivery of those words struck me blow after blow, causing my body to tremble and quake more violently even than when I came upon the slaughter within the chambers. The fear and grief that had overwhelmed me in the dark of my cell struck me again. I was despicable. Frantically, I turned my eyes over my shoulder in search of Ichimaru-taichou, but when I found him, there was little there to offer comfort. He simply watched from a few paces behind, his smile perfectly in place and no hint at all that he would offer me anything more than his silence.

However, Aizen had drawn nearer and there was a clear excitement shining in the depths of his eyes. Yet there was no change in the disapproving frown he wore. I only saw a glimpse of this; my fear had made it impossible to stand face to face. I could not endure those eyes again.

But he would not allow escape. His nearness was oppressive and he peered down at me from what seemed to be an even greater height than was natural... or perhaps I was only feeling twice as small. And was it just my imagination, or did his voice seem to reverberate from wall to wall. "But wouldn't you rather make it up to her? Or will you lie and betray her again?"

"N-no!" The word escaped even before his remark fully reached me, so fearful was I of proving to be as despicable as I thought I was. The last thing I ever wanted was to hurt Hinamori.

Still feeling exceedingly small, it felt as if the last of my resistance was shattered. Able to do little more than stare at my feet and wring my hands, I made one final attempt to calm my voice and sound at least marginally confidant. "What do you want me to do?"


	2. Chapter 2

With this second chapter, I'm bringing the fic to a close. I'm pleased to have been able to remain focused on this rather than letting myself drift off into the million other things I've been working on.

Just a few thanks yous to my friends whom I've bothered constantly in search of feedback, and especially to one specific person (I'm not going to drop any names here. You know who you are), without whom this fic would have been much more difficult. The Gin in this chapter is a collaborative effort and much of the character is due to his inspiration (and a few of the lines are his, too). So thank you, you know who.

Also thank you to those who have reviewed. I'm always grateful for the comments and again, please read and review. Your feedback is valuable to me and very much appreciated.

Thanks and enjoy

-Sor

* * *

The sun was only just beginning to rise, peeking over the rooftops of seireitei. Soon the light would reach the streets below, illuminating the road that led to the Central Chambers, but the sun was not yet high enough. I could barely see the walkway from where I sat; the sun had not reached me at all. I sat obscured by shadow, shivering slightly from the chill in the morning air. Or perhaps I shivered for a different reason.

Soon Hitsugaya-taichou would no doubt arrive. My instructions were clear. He was to be allowed to step inside, given time enough to realize the immensity of the slaughter within, but then he and his vice captain were to be led off as quickly and directly as possible. Led as far as they would follow and if they attempted to turn back, I was to stop them. Somehow, I was to stop both a captain and his vice captain. I was to do all this or Hinamori would...

_If they were to return too soon, the result could be quite unfortunate for Hinamori-chan. So unfortunate that she may never recover._

Aizen's words had played endlessly in my mind since my vigil began and the more I recalled, the more menacing and cold his tone became.

I lowered my head, my entire body curling in on itself in a posture that reeked of defeat. What was I doing? What could I do? Who could I trust? I drew in a shaky breath in an attempt to calm myself, but it did very little in the face of overwhelming distress. After a moment, my hand found Wabisuke's hilt and I gripped it tightly.

"Why are ya sittin' like that, Izuru? You're gonna miss the little captain."

I jumped, nearly letting out a sharp cry as I lifted my head. Certainly I was used to Ichimaru-taichou's sudden comings and goings, but it was even more unexpected this time. Last I had seen, he had vanished somewhere within the central chambers, following on Aizen's heels in the same manner I had always followed on his. The vision had sent a sharp pang of jealousy through me, though I refused to admit it, even to myself. Ichimaru-taichou could go wherever he pleased; who was I to say differently?

I turned my gaze back towards the path below, unable to face him without fear of breaking down completely. I had a duty, after all. "I thought you had gone."

"Did ya think ya were the only one with a duty?" His tone carried a light amusement, but there was something about the way his gaze seemed to bore a hole in my back that turned such harmless words into something darker that I couldn't comprehend.

I had no answer for him. It was not that his answer was unacceptable, but there was a deeper pain within me. I was angry with him. He had led me to this duty and though I did it gladly for his sake, I could not help but feel as if he did not realize the pain he put me through.

"What's the matter, Izuru?" The amusement in his tone remained and it pained me to think that he might be amused at my behavior. I found the situation to be far too serious for that, but of course, I knew right away that it was foolish to feel angry at his amusement. If he were not amused, he would not be Ichimaru-taichou. So when he continued, I accepted it easily, as I've always done. Only now the voice was closer, his shadow falling over me from behind. "Don't tell me you're angry with me. I'm not the one who gave ya those orders."

I made no response. Of course, he was right; wasn't I blaming the wrong person for that sick churning in my stomach? It had been Aizen who had killed all those men. Aizen who had made those threats against Hinamori-kun. Aizen who forced me to fight my fellow Shinigami... And maybe he had forced Ichimaru-taichou, too.

Unable to contain my restless feelings any longer, I rose and allowed trembling legs to carry me forward towards the edge of the roof top. I knew I had to push away the nervous energy or I would be utterly useless when the time came to fight. Only I never realized until it was too late that eventually my pacing would change course and bring me face to face with Ichimaru-taichou.

He had been waiting patiently all the while and now that I had met his gaze, accidental as it may be, he strode forward before I could attempt to turn my back once more. So I took the only escape left to me, averting my gaze to the tiles below our feet. Yet that did as little good as it ever had.

I felt the firm grip of his hand on my chin. His hands were cold. Or maybe my face was merely overly flushed and warm. Whatever the reason, his touch seemed like ice and it only added to the shivers that periodically ran down my spine. However, when those fingers pulled my gaze away from the rooftop and forced my eyes to settle upon his face, I forgot completely about the ice.

Ichimaru-taichou did not smile. His expression was stern and reeked of disappointment. "You're makin' me regret a lot today, Izuru. You're not behavin' very much like my vice captain. Now I'm not so sure that I can trust ya with this change in your orders."

My heart was pounding so loudly that the sound seemed to fill my ears even as it tried to beat its way free of my chest as if my body were too frail to contain it. Frail, because it felt as if every inch of it had been crushed by those words. To lose Ichimaru-taichou's trust was the one most painful thing I could imagine. To have the man whom I admired more than any other regret having chosen me... to lack trust in me..

It was only the mention of new orders that prevented me from crumbling completely. The hope that somehow Ichimaru-taichou may have talked Aizen out of his course swelled swiftly in my chest.

However, all my hopes and fears were silenced when that stern expression faded into laughter and his other hand rose to rest affectionately in my hair. "Dun make such a face! I was just kiddin'."

My heart seemed to stop for a few beats as if even it had lost the will to respond. Embarrassment was mixed with relief and I had forgotten entirely any fears I might have had regarding Aizen's orders or Ichimaru-taichou's lack of trust. He had used those same tactics time and again and yet every single instance I fell for all those reproaches that in the end were followed by the words 'just kiddin'.' It brought forth my usual feelings of foolishness, though in the end I would always smile with relief, more often than not blushing brightly. He always seemed to enjoy that game.

His hand dropped away from my chin, patting my shoulder briefly before he drew back, leaving me still feeling the slightest hint of nerves, but nothing nearly so overwhelming as my earlier panic. He had always known how best to calm my moods. My posture straightened and no longer did I seem the same cowering, frightened child that I had before - at least I liked to think so. I could put on a vice captain's face when the need arose. So with a perfectly level voice and a hand braced confidently on the hilt of my zanpakutou, I did just as I was told. I didn't make that coward's face anymore. "You mentioned new orders, taichou?"

His grin grew even broader, if such a thing was at all possible. "That's right. Ya sure you're ready to hear 'em?" One final test to see if I would allow impatience to send me into another bout of dread.

But when I offered only a firm nod, the pleasure was written clearly in his smile. "I know Aizen-taichou wants ya to keep Hitsugaya-taichou away from the Central Forty-six, but be honest, Izuru. Can ya really keep that boy from doin' what he pleases? He made quite a mess of ya the last time ya saw him."

Though the memory was quite humiliating, both Ichimaru-taichou and I knew his words were true. Hitsugaya had not even been aiming his blade at me and yet managed to take me down as a simple accident. If he could do such a thing while facing Ichimaru-taichou in battle, how could I ever expect myself to hold him off for more than a moment or two? So without hesitation, albeit in a tone heavy with embarrassment, I agreed. "I was very worried about that, taichou."

"'Course ya were." Honesty was a thing he valued very much from me and I was more than happy to give it. I had no secrets from Ichimaru-taichou; I had no reason for secrets. All he had ever required of me was honesty and I gave it to him with all my heart and soul.

"We both know ya can't stop Hitsugaya-taichou," he continued and with those words his grin nearly filled his entire countinence. "And that's exactly what I'll tell Aizen-taichou when the little captain shows up a bit earlier than he expects."

Despite my best efforts to maintain a more stoic expression, I knew that I was on the verge of failure. It took an intense effort to keep myself from making that wide-eyed expression that made me look as if I were on the verge of tears. "I'm not sure I understand..."

With a reassuring smile, Ichimaru-taichou waved a slender hand absently, instrucing me to keep quiet before he continued. "Aizen-taichou just wants a bit o' time with Hinamori-kun without our little friend interruptin'. But things'll go better if he shows up a bit sooner.

"Hitsugaya-taichou's been causin' a lotta trouble for me. Threatenin' my life... drawin' his blade against me. He even threw my vice captain in prison just for defendin' his captain." He paused, casting a look of stern disapproval my way, though this time I knew it was not directed at me. What a relief it was to finally know that someone had seen my side of it. That someone recognized that, despicable as my actions were, they had been born from something noble. I was so glad that he saw that.

"I got a right to clear my name o' murder charges, ain't that right, Izuru?"

Despite my best efforts, surprise flashed across my face, though I managed to push it away just as quickly. Why should I be so surprised by his motives? I wanted just as much as Ichimaru-taichou must have to clear his name and put to rest all of the whispered accusations that had fallen not only on him, but on me as well due to my continued loyalty to him. But they didn't understand him like I did. They didn't realize there was no way he would do such a thing. It would take more concrete proof to clear his name... and I was more than willing to have a hand in providing that proof.

However, there was still one thing that caused hesitation. "But what about Aizen-taichou? He said Hinamori-kun would-"

I was cut off unexpectedly by the sudden return of his hand to my shoulder and with it, that same close proximity that caused my heart to pound in my throat. With his face mere inches from my own I could hardly catch the subtle change in his smile, a change that sent the all too familiar shiver down my spine yet again. "Don't ya worry yourself about Aizen."

That altered countenance was gone as quickly as it came and I wondered, like so many times that morning, if it had only been my imagination bringing about such visions of uncertainty. When he spoke again, he was the picture of a concerned captain reassuring his lieutenant. "Hinamori-kun will be just fine. Ya can trust me, Izuru."

I knew very well I could trust him, yet it did not stop my stomach from twisting painfully. Truthfully, I felt ill, though I would never admit to such a weakness, even if my attempt at a strong expression was as transparent as glass. So choking back my nausea, I offered a nod. Yes. I did trust him... with every ounce of myself. And as I always had done, I would give to him every ounce of myself in order to bring about the things he wanted most.

But for now, just for this single moment, I needed to selfishly take from him. My troubled mind no longer battled with my yearning for the reassurance that required more than words and promises. I could only, at last, be at ease with his orders should he simply grant me the one thing I needed most. Hands rose, holding fast to the folds of his coat, and I drew myself in to him. With a cheek pressed against his shoulder, the pain and uncertainty of the past hours melted away, lost somewhere beyond the joy of being near him.

My eyes closed. In this darkness there was nothing to fear. This was a world made entirely of _him_. The chill of apprehension had been replaced with the warmth that was him. His chest rose and fell beneath my cheek and beyond that there came the steady, even beating of his heart. I could smell him. A scent that I could never name, but it would make one imagine endless blue skies and the unrivaled freedom of soaring. Or perhaps it was only my own childish attempts to put into words what it meant to be so near to him.

And though he had never been the type to show such signs of affection save behind the closed doors of the Third Division office, he responded in kind. The hand that had so calmly grasped my shoulder slid away and after a moment of uncertainty, when his touch had vanished into the darkness, it returned, pressed lightly against my back.

We stood like this for some time and I watched the sun climb over the rooftops. I had forgotten the time, forgotten my mission and my worries for Hinamori-kun. All that existed in that moment was Ichimaru-taichou.

However, slowly those worries began to creep back into my mind, yet I still refused to release my hold on him. Though, the time would come when I could no longer afford the luxury of holding on to him. Duty and loyalty were my only concern and so I finally asked, with clear reluctance. "And what about Matsumoto-san?"

I felt him shift against me and the pressure of his fingertips against my back grew tense, but only for an instant before he drew away, leaving only a final, lingering touch on my shoulder. "That's your job, Izuru. I dun care so much 'bout Hitsugaya, but you'd do best to keep Matsumoto-san away from the goings on in the chamber. That's your duty.

"The Central Forty-Six ain't no placefor a pair a vice captains."

I hated when his responses took such a cryptic turn, but it only reminded me that, try as I may, there were times when the full truth was impossible to come by. The only thing I needed to know was that whatever business he intended to conduct within the chambers could not be disturbed. That was the only truth I needed. "I'll be sure she doesn't disturb you and Aizen-taichou. There's no way she'll be able to stand against Wabisuke's ability."

Ichimaru-taichou had turned his back and was strolling at a casual pace towards the peak of the roof. Only once did he pause, casting a brief glance over his shoulder. "Your confidence is pleasin' to hear, 'specially with these kinda orders."

I can't say if he had intended to or not, but his words caused a wave of apprehension to wash over me. It was easy to be confident when I pushed away thoughts of all the possible ramifications of my duty, but his reminder brought such thoughts back and stronger than before. I could only hope that in the end it all turned out for the best. In the end they would all understand why such actions were necessary. And I would understand as well...

I responded only with a formal bow, eyes closed as I once again looked inward, seeking some form of peace. However, it was not peace that drew me from that darkness of my own creation, but the sound of footsteps on the walkway below. I stood sharply, turning finally away from Ichimaru-taichou. There, moving forward at a brisk, nearly frantic pace, was Hitsugaya. His expression was tense no matter how he might have tried to hide it behind his usual rigid posture. Whatever else he thought of himself, he was still just a kid rushing in when caution may have served him better. Perhaps that though, foolish as it was, provided me the last shred of confidence I had been reaching for.

Silence fell over us for the moment and all of my focus was for the two below. The young captain's pace was intense and perhaps it was for that reason, along with his marked focus on door ahead, that he failed to notice me and Ichimaru-taichou, even as we followed his every move. His vice captain seemed much the same, her eyes trained on the doorway that would lead the pair inside and bring them upon the slaughter within.

Once they had vanished, I released the breath I had not even been aware of holding. Somewhere behind the confidence and reason, I realized I had been dreading this moment. It was easy to tell yourself that duty was a simple thing, but when finally faced with what I had only now come to understand was a traitorous action, I found myself again on the verge of panic. Yet strangely enough, I needed no words from Ichimaru-taichou to calm my fears. It took only a few words, spoken aloud so that I would be unable to turn back.

"I'm going."

One final glance told me he had not yet walked off, but rather was watching me with that unusual intensity that had almost become commonplace as of late. But when he saw my gaze, the smile returned and he waved me off. "Get goin'. I'll see ya when it's all over."

But when it was all over and I sat against the outer wall of the Central 46, when Matsumoto had run off to interfere and I had failed my duty... some time before the Fourth Division found me and carried me off for treatment... When everything was over and in a state of pain and near delirium, I had almost imagined he had come back for me. A smiling phantom who offered me his hand, expecting the trust that had always been there. My hand rose, grasping only at air. He was not there.

"...Liar."


End file.
